HUGE rat droppings on my balcony again. I'm getting real sick of this shit lemme tell you. I'm seriously the Dr. Doolittle of the rodent kingdom. Three out of four apartment buildings I've been in over the past seven years have been infested! I mean who else has that?

I blame the re-appearance of these unwanted critters on brother making me watch Rattatouille. Everything was fine before that, Michael.

So now I have on my plate: rodents, foreclosure, cancer, man drama, career BS, blah blah blah. What's next? Seeing a ghost? Aliens landing in my bedroom? Or perhaps the really out there scenario—a decent man? As if.